A Friend in Need

Think of a random friend. Can you picture that person’s face? Hear that person’s voice? What is the first memory involving that friend that comes into your mind? Now, think of your best friend. Repeat the exercise.

How did you feel going through those questions? Most people end up smiling because the memories are good and the feelings are filled with contentment. Friends are a precious commodity. They make the good times better and the hard times easier. The passage of time only makes this truer as your friends hold more of your personal history. Sometimes, only a long time friend can understand what something means to you. Sometimes, only a new friend can restore your confidence by letting you know how you appear in his eyes.

A couple of years ago, I was hit hard by a birthday. It wasn’t even one of those milestone birthdays, just a random year. But, it had been a hard year, with lots of setbacks and losses. I compared my place in life to others I knew who were the same age and felt I’d failed. It was my best friend who turned me around. She threw my comparisons out the window and told me how she sees me. Emotional as that chat was, she backed up her opinion with facts from my life. Later on, when I mulled over what she said, I was able to continue to believe her, and that birthday stopped being a symbol of what I wasn’t.

Right now, I have a friend who is hurting. He’s got a problem that has caused his relationship with his significant other to fail. They’ve broken up and are trying to salvage a friendship. But, his personal problem keeps getting in the way of even that. And he feels powerless to change things. We talk. Not on a deep level, because he’s not ready to do that yet. But, I treat him as I have always treated him. We laugh together and tease one another, and we love and respect one another. When he mentions his problem, I listen and am as supportive as I know how to be. I believe in him, and I let him know that. I hope that my support will help him the way my best friend’s support helped me.

So, what would you do for a friend in need? Would you burn vacation time to sit with him at a hospital? Would you lend her money you don’t really have to see her through hard times? Would you let him live in your house rent free? Would you give her a kidney? On a more day to day level, if a friend called you at work and really needed to talk, would you? Or, if you noticed he was having a rough day, would you send him a funny email or buy him a cup of coffee?

It is easy to hold out your hand to someone who has abundance. Being friends with someone who has no needs, other than your time and company, can be a blast. Life is good with people to celebrate and play with. But, it is the times when a friend is there to prop you up, hold you while you cry, help you put the pieces back together that make a friendship strong and lasting. And some of those times are not dramatic at all.

One day a couple of years ago, I went to work as usual. I was plowing through the mountain of stuff I had to get done when a friend came to see me. She asked whether I was free for lunch. I had planned to work through lunch because we were way behind on processing incoming freight. But, I decided to go ahead and take the time. We went to a sandwich shop and spent about 30 minutes eating together. We discussed the weather, the news, what some mutual friends were up to; nothing special at all. And then I went back to work. I had forgotten that day completely.

Last week, that friend told me that she was feeling lonely and unimportant that day. She’d just found out that she couldn’t be with family for Christmas, and there was nothing she could do to change that. She’d called her folks and they indicated that it was no big deal that she wouldn’t be there. Not knowing what to do, she came to me and asked whether I was free for lunch. She saw my backlog of work, and the indecision in my eyes, and then I said yes. She felt important once again and the loneliness receded.

I didn’t know what she was facing in the moment. I could easily have made the opposite decision. And she would have suffered for it. I have a friend whose email signature includes quotes that always make me think. She adds in new ones and removes old ones periodically. One of her current ones is this, “Be kinder than necessary because you don’t know what others are facing.”We don’t know what others are facing unless and until they tell us. Even then, we may not get how it feels to them or what it means to them. I don’t know what made me decide to have lunch that day, but I am so glad I did.

How would it be if we each thought of the people around us as a friend in need? We don’t know what they need, so all we can do is be kinder than necessary. Read the clerk’s nametag and call him by name. Thank the cashier who rings up your groceries. Ask the bank teller how her day is going, and listen to the reply. Hold the door open for the fit young person walking in behind you. One simple act of kindness, a random act of kindness, may make that person’s burdens a little lighter. It may brighten an otherwise dark day. Imagine if we all went around trying to be as kind as we possibly can.

I like that vision. It fills me with hope and helps me keep on going when life gets tough. If you like it too, run with it. And remember that old saying, “A friend in need is a friend indeed. ”

May you be blessed with all you need.